I let my environment dictate how I felt and what my actions would be in any conflict (internal or otherwise). My parents were a huge part of why I became this way. They were fantastic parents and did what they thought was ‘right’ and tried to protect me in many ways. Overtime I became sheltered yet very aware, it’s a very odd place to be as a child. When I look back the realization of being complacent was safe and warm. I felt alright with what was and didn’t question anything because adults were authority. As a young adult I didn’t learn how to be my own authority and had a lot of conflict accepting and creating a stronger self. I let people in my life dictate things I did and in turn it made me question why I did them. I started being hyper aware of feelings everyone else had and ignored mine because I never took on the responsibility of being my own authority. Over the years and along with therapy I started being satisfied in a lot of areas in my life. I can’t say I’m always satisfied but in all honestly I’m on the right path. It’s alright to be as you are but I had lots of challenges accepting that I could just be.
