looking for my path

It is unrealistic that I want way more out of life than what I have? I am grateful for the friends and family I have and how supportive they are but I can’t seem to be anywhere near satisfied about myself. Why is it that I hold myself to an unrealistic standard I wouldn’t expect from anyone else? How am I different from them? Sure I feel like I can be doing better in my life, career, relationships and habits but why do I always feel a little disappointed when I see my life right now.

One huge example is my health, it’s no where near how I want to be in life … on one hand I’m not doing more to better it but on the other I feel like I’m doing as much as I can (yet feel disappointed because it’s not up to a standard I envision). When I feel like I’m pushing myself to exhaustion I can’t do anything else I’m not satisfied because I picture this standard I’m not reaching in my personal life. When I am moderately pushing myself and can handle more I feel not satisfied again because I haven’t pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. Seems like I can never win. This impossible standard that has been created by my reaction to what is socially acceptable is currently unattainable.

If I want to lose weight I just have to eat right and exercise – SURE! It seems simple in black and white but life isn’t like that, it’s all about the gray and I have not found the right pocket to be happy with gray. It seems (key word: seems) everyone has it together but when I ask my friends if they are happy it’s not a word they would normally use to describe life; it’s usually hectic, busy, eventful, stressed or exhausting. Yes we can all find a way to be grateful for the lives that we have but when I start focusing a little closer to home it’s tough to find happiness within myself.

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