Boundaries in Friendships are sometimes unclear and difficult, in my case anyway. I have many different types of friendships, I’m obviously closer to some than others. I’m not always sure what my boundaries are (or should be) with friends and that is part of why it’s difficult for me.
Not everyone is meant to be friends
The fact is not everyone can be friends with everyone else. Some are co-workers, acquaintances or members of a club. These are the people you see on a regular basis, you can enjoy your time with them and be friendly. Sometimes that is where friendship begins but that takes time. We do not have infinite time to have close knit friendships with everybody. The boundary of time seems pretty obvious and very understandable however sometimes it might make one feeling guilty for not making time for some people.
I have several very close friends who have rather limited time. Thankfully we had time previously to get close but everyone has their own life. I respect their time and when we catch up it feels like we pick up where we left off. I care so much for them and appreciate them for who they are and how they have impacted my life. I also know several people who I would never be very close with because we never spent too much time together and get to know each other. We might or might not have anything in common. Sometimes one does not have enough to give of themselves to develop a well rounded, intentional and meaningful friendship. The boundaries we create set space and time for us to enjoy new acquaintance and thrive in the existing friendships we already have.
Communication is the key to setting healthy boundaries
In my opinion the value of a healthy friendship or relationship is based on communication. I have never been good at expressing my needs or wants to friends but I believe it is essential for any expectation and in turn people can be loved. In a friendship any expectations, needs or acceptance can set limits with boundaries. I have to remember to set boundaries by communicating with my friends, they are not telepathic. Very often I choose to internalize the issue I want to discuss, in turn it develops into a big road block. I tend to over think and marinade in personal turmoil. When I do communicate and set limits I’m always pleasantly surprised. As I respect my friends time and boundaries they also do the same for me, I feel very lucky.
Strength and security created by boundaries
We all need space and limits, that is why boundaries are set and respected by one another. I adore spending time with friends and fortunately I do have the luxury of time in my schedule. I try to incorporate and more importantly accommodate my friends time. Very often we set a specific amount of time we would spend together and really enjoy each others company. By creating this time boundary we are also strengthen our friendship and feel secure. I do not ask friends more of what they can give and we set time aside to enjoy together. The key to keeping this type of boundary is communication.
Honestly sometimes friendships can be challenging and amazing. Boundaries can be complicated and valuable in relationships, it’s difficult to explain fully. Very often its tough for me to understand some parents. Also many friendships are different with single people. My husband plays a big role in the friends that we have together. Along with friends I have without him there. I feel like with boundaries I become more responsible for my reactions, feelings and responses in my relationships. I become stronger and happiness becomes more effortless when I speak my truth. I create boundaries to be a healthier wife, daughter and friend!