I was browsing Facebook like usual and came across a viral video a while back of a fat girl dancing, my first thought on the video was “wow that girl rocks, I want to do that” but my second thought was “Oh man I’m really fat” … yes her body triggered my own negative self talk as per usual. I’m quite frustrated with myself overall because I’ve been practicing negative self talk for at least 5 years, my intention to change it has only been 1 year. The ‘fat girl dancing’ video has come and gone but this morning I saw another post about this girl and there was an article with her interview on a morning show. I soon went to her web page and checked out some posts. I really enjoyed her post on January 30th : I’m Not “Curvy”; I’m Fat: How I Got Over My Fear of the F-word really made me think about something I’ve been saying to myself the past few months. I’ve been saying “I’m not fat, I have fat” … it’s true I really HAVE IT. The issue is I let ‘being fat’ define who I am and often I feel lazy, ugly and undesirable. I let myself feel those feelings and I wrapped myself around this negativity which is hard to shed. I will quote Whitney
So WHY are we so afraid of the F-word? It’s because he word fat encompasses so much more than a physical description. Everyone knows that fat also means ugly, lazy, undesirable, stupid, and a host of other negative words, but I beg to differ with this implication. I truly believe that I’m beautiful and sexy and totally desirable. Of course, this is subjective, but I know for a fact that I’m not lazy or stupid. I’m active and I’m intelligent. These are qualities that the F-word cannot take away from me. When people see positive things in you, they refuse to call you fat because they see an incongruity there. Fat and positive aren’t supposed to go together. If I had a penny for the number of times I’ve heard the following, I’d be rich.
You’re not fat; you’re beautiful!
Don’t call yourself fat! You should love yourself!
You don’t act like a fat girl.
You sure can dance for a big girl.
Did you meet your boyfriend when you were thin?
Statements like these show that people have a deep-seated belief that FAT cannot coexist with any other positive adjective, but I’m here to tell you that it can. Do other fat people a favor.: don’t bother telling them they’re “not fat,” as you simultaneously complain about your OWN body which is smaller. Don’t tell them they have a beautiful face, or that they’re not fat (“You’re not fat; you’re beautiful!”) All you’re doing is proving that you think fat people can’t be beautiful, but fat and beautiful are NOT mutually exclusive. You can be both! I know people have good intentions when they shy away from the F-word, but you’re doing all of us fat people a disservice. Instead, drop the F-word all together and just give them the damn compliment, but if a fat person does refer to themselves that way, don’t feel as though you have to disagree with their assessment.
It’s crazy to think that my kind heart, calm energy, artistic talents and personality can just be negated by this one word FAT. I let the F-word have way too much power over my life. It’s interesting that when we see a fit or skinny or normal person eat a pizza and watch TV it’s perfectly normal but when a fat girl does the same it’s lazy. How messed up is our perception of how the media and peers makes us feel about random, real life events. It’s amazing how some fat girls (particularly me) let themselves be impacted by such negativity because of media and peers.
I honestly try not to minimize other peoples struggles with weight loss, I have many friends who need to loose from 5 to 35 lbs or they want to. Somehow it still hurts when your best friends refers to her perfect body as ‘pregnant belly’ when it’s shy of ideal. I have family members tell me how I have such a ‘pretty face’ like it’s a floating face of beauty but the rest of me is EH. I’m tired of not only made to feel less than but have these negative interactions influence me that deeply. I know many struggle with weight issues but I’m just tired of the negativity.