I’m sad and it’s OK

What the EFF am I hungry for? It’s not food because I just had lunch but I’m hungry, how am I hungry? again? I’m not sure what in the mother of hell is up with my body. I have this feeling a lot where as soon as I start feeling something … anything really I feel ‘hungry’ right away. I have officially numbed myself from all other feelings in the world and can’t feel anything but hungry for some reason. Why can’t I be feeling sad and just feel that? I don’t understand how I have a follow up feeling of hunger?

I would like to feel sad now, can it just be that please? Why am I sad, what is making this feeling come over me? Is it because I want perfection when there is none or am I just sad that I can’t seem to do anything and be at least satisfied with that? No matter what it is I manage to have my head space on 2 steps back today, out of all the 3 steps I took forward in the past 3 weeks I have 2 steps back and it’s making me feel sad, angry and irritated. What does that say about me? Is the 1 step forward difference not good enough? It’s really not and I get very frustrated with myself. We all want to be the best version of ourselves and I just feel I’m not right now. When do I tell myself to stop and look at how far I’ve come in life, personally and professionally, and be satisfied. Just for a moment I’d like to be alright with where I am. There is NO perfect …. but there should be good enough and I don’t feel that at the moment.

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