hard times are hard

Today I want to talk about something I normally don’t and that is about addictions. To be honest I have my own addictions and it was hell and a half to go through it, it was literally looking into a dark whole and realizing ‘this is not to who I am and not who I want to be, but its my reality’. That scared me so much that I changed, I quit cold turkey and never looked back. I don’t even want to think about that time in my life, like it never happened yet every July 18th I look back and say ‘one more year has gone by’ and I realize how big of a deal it really was, IS! An old friend of mine is having issues with an addiction ( a different type of addiction but non the less) and it’s bringing me back to how I felt 3 years ago. I just wanted to shut out all my feelings. Be numb. Be silent. Be but not be, if that makes sense. I wanted to hide and go through it alone. I wanted a new reality but I knew it was impossible. I surrounded myself with friends who wanted the best for me and pushed me to improve my life. When I turned the corner I realized my life was full of people who cared enough to talk to me and support me in a time when I felt I had no one.

Everyone’s life has challenges, some more than others, I really hope she can get through hers. I can look back and say my life was crap but it wasn’t, it was how I viewed it at the time. Yes I have a lot of issues with my health, more so back then in comparison to now, I can say with confidence I’m doing everything I can do improve my life. It really pains me to see a friend of mine going thought something so crippling. I don’t know how to disconnect myself from my friends issues, how to put them to the side and just focus on my own life. It hurts to see them in pain especially after doing everything in my power to help.

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